America’s Gawker website calls it ‘the best album review you will ever read’. Music journalist Chloe Papas no doubt certainly agrees, but she had no idea that her review of Chris Brown’s album ‘Fortune’ written for X-Press Magazine would become so very popular.
Due to a cropping error, the article looks like it is being attributed to Chris Havercroft. Papas’ byline has been cut by mistake, and there is no doubt that her star would have risen even further in the land of Interweb, had it not been for this error.
On her Twitter feed one of her followers asks her, “…if it was for linkbait/publicity, because most of your other reviews seem to be of more indy/local bands?”
“Absolutely not,” she replies. “I’ve reviewed Bieber, Maroon 5, many international artists. I assumed this would be read by a few hundred people.” Add a couple of zeros, Papas. And maybe another one, had Havercroft not been incorrectly praised.
For those of you who missed it, here is a transcript of the review:
Chris Brown has released his fifth studio album – a 19-track repugnant record that we can only hope will be his last.
First track “Turn Up the Music” sets the tone for the whole album; generic, overly auto-tuned, commercialized R&B that could easily be any other artist in the charts right now. “Don’t Judge Me” isn’t related to recent events, but rather is Brown asking his significant other to not judge him for cheating on her. Poor guy. “Till I Die” is a catastrophic misogynistic shit of a song, with lyrics: “I super soak that ho/Show ‘em no love/Throw ‘em a towel.”
The whole album is skitzy and has two-themes: unprotected sex is super fun and partying is cool. Even if you are into this kind of music or just love the beat, this is a catastrophic clusterfuck of an album that shouldn’t appeal to anyone with ears. Or morals.
Let’s just get down to it. Regardless of whether Chris Brown has any musical talent (his doesn’t) or whether this album is any good (it isn’t), the man recently brutally assaulted a woman, and is still regularly invited back to award shows and worshipped by ‘Breezy’ fans worldwide. Which is, frankly, disgusting. And for those of you out there saying you need to separate the music and the man: screw you, don’t encourage his actions.
Final words: don’t buy this album.
NO STARS EVER
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